church meeting
Our church had a leadership class a few nights ago in the sanctuary with our senior pastor teaching. All leaders in the church were invited and since I lead a high school small group I felt like it was important that I attend so I could learn about what was going on and be prepared for our church’s busy summer.
Our pastor started to talking and asked a question (I can’t remember the exact words but something like) ‘what’s on your heart that you would like to give to the Lord this summer?’ I knew immediately my answer would be student ministries. We had all received cut out red hearts and big black permanent markers and I knew he would ask us to write it down. I wrote those two words down. I thought he might ask us to share with our neighbors so I hesitated a little but I was sitting with some of the high school girls that I lead and felt that I could explain it to them if needed.
He showed on the screen some pictures of his staff with their words on it. I was really encouraged by their willingness to be so open about what was going on in their hearts and to be photographed with their heart cards. It really effected me to read other peoples hearts and I was proud of those brave people who were willing to be vulnerable. I also noticed that their words were a little more vague then mine- fear, peace, consistency. I began to think that what I really meant on my card was idolatry but that I could explain that if and when I was asked to share with my neighbor.
Then our senior pastor said something about wanting to photograph all of the leaders (meaning us in the seats) with our heart cards. I looked around and for the first time realized that there was a couple of photo light reflectors on the stage and that the stage was set up to photograph all of us individually. My emotions skyrocketed. I did not want to be photographed with my heart card.
I tried to find a way out of it. Could I get a new card and write a new word? I could if I weren’t sitting by my girls, but I can’t switch it out in front of them without looking like a hypocrite. Can I go privately to the bathroom and switch it out? I did’t know if I could find a new blank card between here and there. I just knew one thing, that I did not want to go up on the stage and have my photo taken.
“Stacey, you don’t have to go up there. Pastor Matt said you don’t have to go up.” One of my sweet high school girls said to me. “I have to go up there I’m your leader.” “No, I don’t think that you do.” “Yes, I think that I need to but I don’t want to.”
Walking up to the stage my mind was racing as to how to get out of this situation. I did not want to be on that stage or be photographed. I felt like my heart was being exposed without explanation and I was very uncomfortable with that. My feet kept moving forward but my mind was screaming at me to stop and to run from the building. I assumed that it would be a professional photograph company and somehow with a stranger taking the photo I wouldn’t be as exposed. Bad assumption. I knew everyone on the stage. I also realized why we were given black permanent markers. When I wrote my two words I tried to write as small as possible but the marker was so fat that it didn’t allow me to write that small and what I wrote stood out because the marker was new. If I had had a ball point pen I could have written small enough that no one would have been able to read it.
After I was back in my pew seat, I was feeling dreadful but I knew that all of the high school girls that I work with had just done the same thing and might be feeling a little uneasy so I just stayed with them trying to be ready for anything. Then our pastor asked the tech team to show some of the photos just taken on the big screen. I immediately felt my stomach in my mouth. I didn’t breath until our pastor stopped showing the photos. I was scared that if my photo was shown I would throw up on the pew.
There’s more to this story then just what happened on that night at the church meeting.
During the season of Lent this year (a time in the church between Ash Wednesday and Easter, about 45 days) I prayed two prayers: Expose my idolatry and purge my idolatry. This was new for me. I don’t think a lot about idolatry nor care much about it usually. Reading a few of Lynn Austin’s books on the life of Hezekiah (a Jewish King) and how he purged all of the idols out of Judah really got me thinking about if I had any idols in my own life. I prayed my two prayers not really knowing what would happen if anything would happen at all.
Then one night I had a dream. In the dream was the chamber of my heart and inside my heart was a birds nest made out of twigs. Inside of the birds nest was student ministries, specifically my way of doing student ministries from when I was in high school to my college education to past churches that I had worked for. Then there was a dagger attempting to cut the birds nest out of my heart. It was weird, but the dream affected me. I thought a lot about it and it occurred to me that student ministry, the ministry that I currently serve in and love can be an idol in my life when I think that I know all the answers as to how it should be done.
After I came home from the church meeting I slept peacefully that night and had another dream that’s almost laughable. I dreamed that my heart burped out that birds nest. I mean seriously, I can’t make this stuff up. My heart burped out a birds nest? I wonder if the dream is saying that my idol of ministry has been purged.
I’m not sure what else this summer is going to hold but I’m a little terrified to attend another church meeting.
Diets, Exercising, & Faith
I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I want to eat what I want to eat without any consequence. I also want to lose weight while I eat whatever I want to so that I can feel good about myself. Does anyone relate to this?
I’ve been trying to find a diet that would help me lose my second pregnancy weight quickly. I’ve tried a half dozen different diets in the last 6 months. I haven’t been able to keep with any of them. The diets I’ve tried don’t produce the results that I’m looking for fast enough and then I am unmotivated to keep with the diet.
As a kid I discovered quickly what tasted good and what tasted bad. Through most of my adolescence I ate what tasted good in small amounts that would keep my weight down. My favorite thing to eat is French Fries. I’ve often eaten French fries for a meal so that I could enjoy them but not waste calories eating anything else.
Now that I’ve had two children, this diet no longer works. Without eating nutrition, even though I keep my calories reasonable, I cannot keep my weight down.
These past 6 months have been an emotional roller coaster for me when it comes to eating. I can’t eat what I normally eat because the fat just sticks to me now and I’m too addicted to unhealthy foods to just go on a diet. So I’ve had to make a decision that’s taken me a while to decide if I want to commit to and I’m not 100% sure that I do. I have to add nutrition to my eating, even though I lack the strength yet to cut out the unhealthy foods. I don’t like this because it means that I’m adding more calories to my diet but these are the calories that my body needs. It means that I can no longer idolize that size 2 dress hanging in my closet, because the only path I’ve ever taken to get into that dress has been an unhealthy path. I have to have faith that adding nutrition to my diet daily and slowly reducing the unhealthy food is ultimately the path that I want to be on. This is somewhat scary to me.
On a related issue, I dislike exercising. I know that is somewhat like blasphemy in our culture, but it’s true. I’d rather do anything than exercise. It probably stems from having bad knees (I’ve had 3 knee surgeries so far), but I think it runs deeper than that. It never has felt good to me to exercise. I always hear people say that exercising gives them more energy. I have never felt that. I wish I did, but it usually just exhausts me.
While I’ve been trying different diets, I’ve realized my need for exercise. I want to be healthy and I want to be on the right path to getting healthy. So I’ve started exercising at 6:00 am in the morning. Not my favorite time of the day, but there is literally no other minute in my day that I can squeeze a workout in. I do a very simple routine – I bike for 5 minutes, then do my 3 exercises that my physical therapist gave to me last year to strengthen my knees. I also do sit-ups and an arm workout that I found on Pinterest. It’s very simple, so simple I often wonder if it’s worth doing, but it’s a place to start.
I don’t anticipate much noticeable changes in my body with adding healthy calories and doing a very simple workout, but it’s the right path for me to be on right now.
Easter Sunday
It’s important that small children attend church. I write this with a smile on my face because I fail constantly at this. If I get to church on time (which is the first miracle) it’s usually because I’ve become the devil mom at home to get them out the door or I’ve left them at home with a babysitter.
This past Sunday – Easter Sunday – was a classic example. To get to church by 9:30 am on Easter Sunday (our service starts at 9:45, so I had to make every attempt to get there early or I knew we would not make it at all) I had to schedule our Sunday morning:
· 6:00 am Baby wakes up, joins mom and dad in bed who make every attempt to get him back to sleep
· 7:00 am Mom showers and does hair and make-up but puts on sweats and an old t-shirt
· 7:30 am Both mom and dad make every attempt to wake the toddler, who does not want to get up let alone get ready (mom and dad feel lucky because today they can bribe the toddler that there are presents and chocolate downstairs, she’s more interested)
· 7:45 am Easter Presents! Mom scurries the toddler to finish opening the presents “don’t linger too long babe, grab the next one and open it”
· 7:50 am Mom continues to watch the presents being opened while she is in the kitchen making a quick breakfast for the family
· 8:30 am Family Breakfast, mom makes every attempt to ask the toddler about the Easter Carol Veggie Tale video show they watched together the day before, talking about hope and what the true meaning of Easter is, toddler giggles; baby put in swing for a quick nap
· 8:45 am mom and dad clean the kitchen
· 9:00 am mom and dad change into church clothes
· 9:15 am both kids get a diaper change and are put in their Easter outfits
· 9:20 am grandma arrives, yeah!!!!
· 9:30 am out the door and to the church
We finally made it to church and we were all relatively happy. The parking was easy that morning which made it easier to walk through the door with a smile on our faces. I forgot to mention that Kaitlyn’s dress was so fluffy we couldn’t fit it in her carseat, so we had to take it off while she was belted and then put it back on her once we got the church parking lot. We walked into the church and went to sit in the last pew. For most of my church going life I have preferred one of the first three pews up front, but now that I have small children, I sit as close to an exit as possible. I feel like I don’t do this for me but for everyone else’s sake. The usher (who will remain unnamed) told us that we couldn’t sit there. I looked at him like he was the devil. I begged, pleaded, and almost cried, please don’t make us sit half way to the front. Please, please. He told me that the last pews were reserved for guests who were late which I thought was ironic since we killed ourselves to get there on time so we could sit together and sit in the back. No one in my family moved. Finally I said, “Well, I guess we’ll just stand here and wait until the pews fill up and then plop into the last pew when it’s available.” This apparently made him angry because he rolled his eyes and said, “Fine. Sit down.”
We make every attempt to keep our children in the service with us so that they learn from an early age the songs and will have memories of sitting in church as a family when they are older. However our toddler has fallen in love with kidzone and now while we sing in the church, we hear her tell us how she wants to be in kidzone and not in church. I usually take her when our pastor comes out to give the sermon.
After dropping her off at kidzone, I came back to the sermon to hear our pastor say, “He is Risen” and then to hear the congregation say, “He is Risen Indeed” at which point our infant starts making noise and so I scoop him up to take him outside and sing to him for the remainder of the sermon. After the sermon ends, I go back in and join my husband and mom. Our infant starts making noise again and so my husband takes him out and my mom and I sit there through the rest of the service. At the end of the service, we’re asked to exit to the front of the church so that the people attending the next service can come in easier. I think this is a wise idea. Until I realize that my husband is 5 feet on the other side of the door with our infant and I have all of the baby stuff. So I go to make a fast break through the door at which point another usher (who will also remain nameless) stops me and tells me that I can’t go through the doors. I look at him. I look at all the people who are trying to exit. I think of my daughter who is in kidzone and I remember the amount of times that I go to pick her up only to find the door to her toddler classroom wide open. I remember I like to pick her up as soon as possible so she doesn’t get out the door on her own. I briefly remember the pastor saying something about taking extra care of the kids today since it might take a little longer for parents to get there as everyone is exiting the front. And I somewhat panic. “Please, I just have to get to my husband. He’s right on the other side of this door.” “No one goes out today.” “Please, he has our son and I need to also go pick up my daughter.” “OK. I’ll let you but I hope no one sees me do this and please don’t tell anyone I let you out.”
I share this story because looking back, it was pretty funny. Also, I wanted you to know that if you struggle with small kids in church, you are not alone! It is important for us to take our kids to church even though it can be a challenge. Someday we will be glad that we did.
It might come as a surprise that I couldn’t be happier with my life. I love my children. I love that Nathan lies between Michael and I every morning cooing and laughing as we try to sleep. I love that Kaitlyn ran around the house in her Easter dress constantly touching it in awe of how petty it was. I love watching my husband spend time with our children. I feel really blessed when it comes to our family, even if i struggle getting everyone to church on time. I know this is cliche, but I truly feel blessed by our children.
Hunger Games HS Devotional Part A
Hunger Games Trilogy Series – a student devotional for each book in the series
© Stacey Graves
Book 1: Hunger Games – Devotional 1: My Purpose in Life
Book 2: Catching Fire – Devotional 2: Hope for Redemption
Book 3: MockingJay – Devotional 3: Only God (Not even Christian organized effort can save us)
© Stacey Graves
Book 1: Hunger Games – Devotional 1: My Purpose in Life
Book 2: Catching Fire – Devotional 2: Hope for Redemption
Book 3: MockingJay – Devotional 3: Only God (Not even Christian organized effort can save us)
Hunger Games Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S9a5V9ODuY
Hunger Games Summary http://www.thehungergames.co.uk/about_the_book
Book 1: Hunger Games – Devotional 1: My Purpose in Life
Part A: We are not that different from the citizens of Panem.
The Hunger Games story fascinates me. Well written, it is an easy read that keeps the reader guessing at every page. I try to imagine myself in the story. Where would I be? Who would I be most like? I relate to Katniss often but also to other characters like Gale and Peeta. But as I think more about it, I realize if the story represents society today, I would not be found in District 12. I would be a citizen of Panem, most likely living in the heart of the Capital. The people in Panem spend their time filling their stomachs and watching entertainment. Not all the people of the capital are bad, but they seem to be unaware of the poverty found in the districts around them. If they are aware of the poverty around them, they don’t feel like there is anything that they can do about it. They focus on their own lives and their own problems, anxiously waiting for a sense of feeling. A feeling that would remind them that everything that they surround themselves with is fake, from their hairstyles to their food; and that it all serves one purpose, to make them feel good about themselves. When the hunger games is broadcasted every year, the people of Panem watch, wondering what it would be like to fight to the death and thinking about how they would win if they were chosen for the game. Sometimes they even wish that they could play, but then they remember that the best part of the games is that 24 go in and 1 comes out. No, the people of Panem would never actually want to be in the arena, they just like to dream about becoming a victor and rising from a difficult life. In the meantime, the games make incredible television.
The people of the capital city seem self-centered. They lavish themselves with make-up, remake any part of their body that they are not fully satisfied with, and love to pride themselves on their modern technology. This is somewhat similar to western society today. Check out these statistics.
- In 2011, L’Oreal (the biggest cosmetics producer in the world) profited a little more than 2 billion dollars.
- The American Society of Plastic Surgeons claims 13.8 million cosmetic procedures were done in 2011 in the US which is up 5% from 2010.
- Profits can even be found in teen favorite chain stores, such as American Eagle Outfitters, which posted fourth-quarter earnings of $87 million (in 2010).
- Apple (the producer of the iPhone) had a record quarterly revenue of $28.57 billion and record quarterly net profit of $7.31 billion (third quarter 2011). I know that for myself, I enjoy making myself look good and am in love with my iPhone.
There’s another comparison that can be found too. Certain countries that supply western society with their exported goods could be compared to District 12. One example of this is the Democratic Republic of the Congo in central Africa. “Congo is arguably the richest country on the planet in terms of natural resources. It is the storehouse of strategic and precious minerals that are vital to the functioning of modern society. Its minerals are key to the consumer electronics industry, the technology industry, automotive, aerospace and military industries. Its diamonds, gold, copper, cobalt, uranium, timber, iron, tin, tungsten, and coltan (mineral that is central to the functioning of our cell phones, laptops and other technology and electronic devices) are coveted from China to America.”* The Congo produces over billion dollars’ worth of gold each year and yet the living conditions and civil war there has led to over 6 million deaths since 1998, a number that is similar to the death number in the holocaust. “Millions of Congolese have lost their lives in a conflict that the United Nations describes as the deadliest in the world since World War Two. United States allies, Rwanda and Uganda, invaded in 1996 the Congo (then Zaire) and again in 1998, which triggered the enormous loss of lives, systemic sexual violence and rape, and widespread looting of Congo’s spectacular natural wealth. The ongoing conflict, instability, weak institutions, dependency and impoverishment in the Congo are a product of a 125 year tragic experience of enslavement, forced labor, colonial rule, assassinations, dictatorship, wars, external intervention and corrupt rule.”*
In the Hunger Games, Katniss is a prisoner to District 12. She lives a hard life of hunger and she desperately wants to protect her sister. Her district produces coal for the capital city and yet her own family and friends who do the work often go without food and without comfort. Katniss doesn’t want to be there. She would rather be free and believes that it is the Capital’s black soul who steals all of the natural resources from her hometown.
Katniss had no choice in the matter of where she was born. Neither did you or I. I didn’t choose to be born in the US. Katniss didn’t choose to be born in District 12, but where someone is born determines a lot about their life. If God has a purpose for your life, then there’s a million dollar question that has to be asked – Why were you born here? I’m not asking what you want to be when you grow up. I’m asking that if you believe in a Creator God who has a purpose and plan for your life, why do you think that He had you born here, in the US? It’s certainly out of your control where you were born and you can’t feel guilty about something like that, something that you had no say in. So why do you think you were born here? Why do you think the citizens of Panem were born there instead of in District 12? Check out some of the questions below. I hope that they lead you in the right direction to thinking about what God might have had in mind when you were born.
- What similarities do you see between the city of Panem and the US? (both good and/or bad)
- Have you ever thought about the people working in the countries that produce the resources that we use on a daily basis? If so, what do you think about them?
- Any clue as to what God might want you to be doing with your life, given that you were born in the US?
*Quote taken from http://congojustice.org/
Hunger Games HS Devotional Part B
Part B: How could I possibly make a difference in the world as a citizen of Panem?
In the Hunger Games, author Suzanne Collins “explores the effects of war and violence on those coming of age.”** This book was written for teens so that they could see what happens to children when they are born in an area that where war and violence rules. Living in western society it is easy to overlook the rest of the world. It’s easy to enjoy comfort and pleasure, not realizing what it might cost to someone else. It’s OK to enjoy life and be grateful to God that you were born here. It’s just also good to have mercy on other people in the world who are paying for our comfort.
Jesus used a story called The Good Samaritan to teach about mercy. Here is the passage from Luke chapter 10.
The Parable of the Good Samaritan Luke 10:25-37
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”26 “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”27 He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’[c]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”
28 “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” 29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
In looking for eternal life, this teacher asked Jesus what was important. Jesus replied “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” Then Jesus encouraged him to have mercy on others, regardless of their ethnicity or their ability to return a favor.
Cinna, a citizen of Panem, had opportunity to reach out to Katniss as her stylist by doing his job well and caring for her. She would never be able to return his kindness. She grew up in a different part of the world than he did, but none of these reasons prevented him from being her friend. Nothing prevented him from helping her. He couldn’t prevent the games. He couldn’t pull her out of the games but he could befriend her. He used his skills as a stylist to help her make an impression. He did not let the fact that he was born in the capital make him feel guilty for who he was nor make him feel like there was nothing he could offer. He paid attention to opportunity and stepped up to care for a tribute, a person very different from him, when the time came. You may have an opportunity sometime to befriend someone who is different from you. I encourage you to do this. Having mercy on others is a way to make a difference.
In the Congo in Africa, there is a very large amount of tungsten, tantalum, tin, and gold. We use these four minerals every day in our electronics. The Congo is a country that has very little peace, very little rest, and virtually no comfort. 6 million people have died due to the conflict that is currently being fought over the resources that we use today. This is a conflict that is very fragile and difficult to help. There have been several attempts by various people to convince Apple to make a conflict free iPhone. In June of 2010, Steve Jobs was quoted saying this, “We require all of our suppliers to certify in writing that they use conflict free materials. But honestly there is no way for them to be sure. Until someone invents a way to chemically trace minerals from the source mine, it’s a very difficult problem.” I use this example because of how eerily close it is the story found in the Hunger Games; a group of starved slaves producing the world’s greatest recourses for a different group of people who are full, free, and busy with their own lives. I’d like to ask a few questions now to get you to think. There isn’t a right answer. At what point is it the corporations responsibly to know where their products are coming from? At what point is it the citizens of Panem’s responsibility to know about District 12? When is it your responsibility as the consumer to know how things area made?
We live in a complex world where we have very little control over things. I want to encourage you to be attentive to others around you and to choose mercy and responsibility. Do you show mercy to others? How do you do that? Is there any place in your life that you could show more mercy? Read again the Bible verse from above - 36 “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” 37 The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”
** Suzanne Collins http://www.thehungergames.co.uk/about_the_author
Surrendered Night of Worship
Tonight my church hosted a women’s night of worship called Surrendered. I wasn’t sure what to expect but when they gave me a bookmark at the door, I felt confident that I would like it. There was singing and a lovely talk by our senior pastors wife.
They also gave everyone a small piece of mosaic tile that we were encouraged to walk up to the front of the room and place at the cross as an act of surrendering something to God. I lost mine. I had it from walking into the sanctuary and finding a seat, and then I picked it up when the talk started. But during the talk I felt it slip between my fingers. I looked down and couldn’t see it on the seat, so I figured it was on the floor. I was quietly searching for it and couldn’t find it when I realized that I needed to put my hand on the floor and feel around for it. The talk was still going so the room was somewhat dark, therefore I couldn’t see much of anything on the floor. I don’t like putting my hands someplace that I cannot see, regardless of whether I’m in a church or not but I was starting to get desperate. Still nothing. So of course I started spiritualizing this. Does God think that I have nothing to surrender? Do I think that? Am I doing such a good job in my spiritual life that I don’t need to give anything else up? I wasn’t sure and I was starting to get nervous because by now women were going up to the front with their mosaic tiles and I didn’t have one to give. I’m sure I could have tracked down someone for another one but I was sitting in the center of a pew and it was pretty quiet. I didn’t want to disrupt others.
I started really thinking about the word surrender and what it means. I’ve been surrendering a lot of things in my life lately and have felt frustrated by this. I pray over a conviction of something and then I obey what it is that I have come to believe about something. There have been times in my life when I didn’t obey a conviction and that has led only to disappointment, so I’m pretty motivated to follow my convictions these days although they are often not as strong as they were when I was younger. Surrender makes one give up control and I’m somewhat of a control freak. I mean I spent my morning busy at home, my afternoon busy at the office and my evening running up to the church for this night of worship only to loose 1 of 2 things that they gave me at the door. I was convicted that I should attend tonight and I did, but I couldn’t even control the mosaic tile that they gave me. I lost it somewhere near that chair. This is how my convictions have been going lately. Nothing dramatic but I follow a conviction (usually one I have gotten from the Bible) and then I mess up someway and that’s left me frustrated. Following convictions do help me to feel God’s peace, so tonight’s million dollar question is whether or not God’s peace is enough. I think that it is which is why I still long to follow my convictions so that they bring about His peace. But I want to know that His peace is enough.
During this season of Lent I have one prayer – Purge my idolatry. I know. Kinda weird. But I have been reading these books on King Hezekiah’s lifestyle in Bible times. He was a king of Judah who loved God and destroyed idols and I know that we have idols in our modern day world they just look different than the typical idols that are found in the Bible. So, I’m asking God to point out my idols and to cleanse me from them (the word purge means cleanse). I don’t think that this process will be that pretty but I’m feeling like it’s time to face it. What secrets do I have that steal my heart from the Lord? I’m hoping that between now and Easter, I can look at things with greater maturity and find what it is that is really going on behind the reasons of why I do certain things. I think that a Father is the only one who can really point this out. So, I’m asking God to do so. I wonder what it will reveal?
A Letter
Dear Kaitlyn and Nathaniel,
Mama loves you so much. I have enjoyed every minute of the past three months of maternity leave that I have had to spend with you. I enjoy comforting you in the night. I enjoy waking up and picking you up out of your crib first thing in the morning. I love learning what Kaitlyn likes to eat and figuring out when Nathan will be hungry. I enjoy smiling at Nathan and stretching his arms while he lays on the ottoman. I enjoy playing blocks with Kaitlyn and watching her be a very good mommy to her dollies. I enjoy singing to Nathan when he is in his swing. I enjoy Kaitlyns nap time, not only because it allows me to complete some house projects, but because she quietly reads to herself and then lines up her animals before she falls asleep. I love our lunchtime together; Kaitlyn usually eating top ramon with some fruit and has her hair in a whale spout. I love hanging out with just Nathan while Kaitlyn naps. I love our evenings. I love bathing you and reading you books and tucking you in. I love every moment that I get.
Mama is going back to work soon. When I am at work I think about the two of you the entire day. Not a minute passes that you are not in my mind. I pray for you. I pray that you are safe. I thank God for giving you to me; you are the greatest gift that I have ever received. One of the gifts that you give me just by being you is motivation to be the best that I can be at my job. I want to make you proud. You make me a better person just by knowing you and that makes me work harder than I ever have. I have arranged to have the best caretakers in the world for you- your grandparents- while I am at work so that you are always surrounded by family who deeply love you. I will miss you but you will never be far from me because I always have you in my thoughts and in my heart.
Mama looks forward to every minute with you. In the mornings, before work, I will take the extra time to brush Kaitlyn’s curls and to talk to Nathaniel on his changing table. I will give extra hugs and kisses. I will make sure that you have healthy food for the day. I will spend time with each of you individually and listen to what it is that you are trying to tell me. In the evening, when I return from work, I will make a good dinner for you. I will help pick up all of your toys and imagine your adventures that you had that day. I will kiss you good night and I will make you as comfortable as I can. I will also plan fun activities for our weekend so that we can continue to be a close family.
I love you Kaitlyn. I love you Nathaniel.
-Mama
